Death to Story Gurus (metaphorically of course)!

Gurus: it seems the world is over-run with them. Cults, cults of personality, cults of politics, cults of religion, therapy cults, food cults, sexual cults the list goes on. There is at least one more type we should list, sadly: the story cult.

Yes, story gurus abound these days. Throw a stone and you’ll hit one. I won’t name names (you know who you are), but writing and story gurus use the same tactics as any cult leader to recruit, retain, and indoctrinate their “followers.” Here are some of the red flags to know if you are getting sucked into the web of a story guru:

• “You need me to help you become a better writer.”
• “You need my methodology/system if you are going to succeed.”
• “One class isn’t enough, you have to do the whole series to really get the benefit.”
• “Sign up for the next class series or you’ll fall behind in your development as a writer.”
• “My next book has exactly what you need, so make sure you buy it.”
• “If you really want to succeed, sign up for this writing retreat; you won’t get this information from anyone else.”
• “Join my writing group, or you won’t make any progress as a writer.”

The message is clear: you need me, you can’t do this alone, and you need a guru/teacher.

(Dramatic pause) … NO, YOU DON'T! You do not need a guru; you do not need a teacher. And anyone who tells you that you do is selling you snake oil and pulling a flimflam on you. But, let me explain why I feel this way.

The word “guru” has developed a bad connotation because of all the vampires out there that suck people’s power and money under the guise of “teaching.” There is nothing inherently wrong with listening to a guru or a teacher. We all benefit from teachers who teach. We all become more for learning from people who have been through experiences we have not, and who can transfer their knowledge to us as a gift. But, when getting that help demands us giving up our personal power, AND our bank accounts, then I certainly have a problem with that—and I hope you do too.

Sadly, there are many people who line up to give up their power to so-called experts in every field, least of all in the story-consulting world. I know, I work in that world, I teach in that world—but hear me, I am no guru! My approach is simple: take classes, buy books, listen to everyone; but, follow NO ONE! My tweet version of this philosophy is: Death to gurus! I speak metaphorically, of course.

Teachers and gurus are never a necessity. You can learn everything you need to learn on your own. But, it saves time to have someone teach you things if they already have the experience and insights you lack. You will have those experiences eventually yourself. You will gain those insights yourself. But, why not take a shortcut if one is offered; ala a teacher or guru? Nothing wrong with that.

But, the job of teachers is to teach themselves out of a job. Their job is not to produce perpetual students, but to produce more teachers. Any good therapist should therapize themselves out of a job by getting patients better, not keeping them hooked on years of therapy. Any good leader does not produce followers, they produce more leaders who change the world and make life better for everyone. The same goes for story gurus.

I teach classes; I sell books; I consult with clients. And you will pay me for the privilege because it has cost me years of time and money to gain my skills and knowledge. I’m worth the price of admission! But, I make no demands that you follow or keep buying, or ever use me again. If you choose to continue to work with me, great, that’s a preference, a choice you make consciously, NOT a necessity that is foisted upon you by my guilting you into following my methodology or “teachings.” You don’t need any story consultant or me. We need you, however, if we want to do what we love to do, i.e., teach and work with great writers.

So, to sum up: Death to story gurus. You are your own guru. You are your own teacher. Use us out of preference, not necessity. We don’t want your power. But, we don't work for free, so there’s the tradeoff. We who do this story work are lucky to have you , so thank you.

Now, go write.

In Memoriam: Borders Bookstore

Another one bites the dust. But, not just "another one," one of the mainstays of the book beat. Bookstores have always come and gone. In the past, however, their coming and going was based on vertical integration. Big fish ate the little fish and became bigger fish. Borders Bookstore used to be a big fish, now it is liquidating 400 stores and 11,000 jobs. Beyond jobs, there could be ramifications for the paperback, as Borders was known as a retailer that took special care to promote paperback sales. It's efforts in this regard could push a paperback into bestseller status. So, this liquidation has a massive human cost, and quite literally a price will be paid in paperback sales and availability.

Bibliophiles like me shed a tear for such a passing as this, but in all honesty I have to say I can't remember the last time I was even in a Borders, or a Barns & Noble, or any brick and mortar bookstore! I shop at the biggest bookstore in the world: Amazon.com. So, am I one of those pricks responsible for the death of the bookstore? I suppose. I take responsibility for giving in to the ease and elegance of online shopping. But, can you blame me? Every time I call up a brick and mortar bookstore—support them, to shop them, to use them—I ask for a book and invariably the response is, "We don't have that title in store, sir, but I can order it for you and it will take a couple of days to get here." Ugh! Unless I am looking for something off the New York Times Best Seller list; or a graphic novel; or some hot-off-the-press, flavor-of-the-month, how-to book chances are the store won't have it in stock. So, if I want my book quickly the only solution is Amazon. Does that make me a bad person? Some say yes.

Get a grip, people. Bookstores will not disappear. The passing of the large chains only brings us back full-circle to the good ol' days when boutique stores supplied niche audiences with all manner of books unavailable at major chains. Small bookstores are actually on the rise again, as they fill in the gaps left by chain store closures. The hype about the death of the book (and the bookstore) are greatly exaggerated, in my opinion. Books will never go away and neither will bookstores. We may find them harder to find, but every community will have them, rest assured. I am much more concerned about the 11,000 people who will lose their jobs with the Borders liquidation. And don't even get me going about the future of libraries. That's very scary and worth of a separate post.

In short, RIP Borders. It was nice knowing you. I weep for your employees and your stockholders who will eat their shorts. But, in the grand scheme this is part of the evolution of the species and will be good for the independent bookstore ecology and community bookstores. As for me, I will still be going to the biggest bookstore in the world and my guilt at participating in the death of the book will have to fester deeply inside me in silence.

I am still a good person.

Writing Groups—Be Afraid, Be very Afraid

Recently, I got into an argument with a writer who was raving about her writing group. She waxed poetic about the support she felt, the valuable input (though some advice conflicted), the feeling of connection she felt and all the other warm fuzziness that comes with being with like-minded people.

So, what was there there to argue about? Well, my response to her was, "Quit the thing immediately."

That kind of set her off and so the argument began. Now, granted, I can be a bit snippy and self-righteous when I get all in a tizzy about something. I tried to cool my jets, but her effusive love affair with her writing group pushed too many of my buttons. So, we argued, and in any such argument, there are never winners, just losers. She wasn't bad or wrong in her devotion, nor was I in my cynicism. But, that got me thinking ... was there some happy medium between her "true-believer" status and my "file for divorce" mindset? What was the bigger picture here?

I found myself reviewing all the reasons why I hate writing groups. In a nutshell, I find them to be anything but helpful to writers. Most of the participants are bad writers to begin with and have no real experience or expertise to offer other writers. Members typically are unpublished, unschooled in writing craft themselves (that's why they're in a group), and they almost never know how to give constructive criticism. Input from group members usually falls into three categories: empty praise, vicious critiques, or banal suggestions. I also find that, over time, familiarity within the group, between members, begins to undermine any real advice that might be offered, as cliques form, power struggles arise, and rivalries fester as the "good" writers battle against the "bad" writers. After a year or so, the group inevitably resembles more "Rome before the fall," rather than some harmonious group of supportive and objective writers.  

And then there is the simple logic of it:  members of any writing group are normally on the same level, when it comes to craft, as other members.  It's rare that you ever get one or two members who are "stars" and know more than the group as a whole.  So, what is the point of being there?  Do you really want to get story feedback from people who are at the same level as you, when they don't know substantially more than you, or don't have any more expertise than you?  Again, what is the point?  If you're looking for positive feedback, call your mother.  If you want real story feedback, call a professional; groups won't deliver what you really need: insightful, experienced, and objective input. (Now, obviously, there are writing groups that work. But, I believe these to be rare and anomalies of freak chance.)

There is, however, an even more fundamental reason why writing groups should be thought of as crimes against nature. Writing is not a group sport. Writing is a solitary and isolated process. Every writer I know who has any success in the field has complained to me, on their Face Book page, or through other public forums how miserable they are during the writing of a book; how lonely, how despairing, and riddled with fear and doubt. Well—welcome to the writing life! Joining a group to avoid this reality is simply not going to work. Writing process, as I have often said, is the literary equivalent to water boarding. A writing group will not save you from the sensation of drowning that awaits you when you leave its warm and fuzzy folds. Just deal with it and know that it will not kill you and that you will come out the other end. The group will only give you misdirection, premature or undeserved praise, and ultimately prolong your torture.

So, I guess, for me, there is no middle ground, no bigger picture that might serve as a basis for feeling okay about writing groups. For me the issue is productivity and process. I think you are just on your own when it comes to both. What should you do instead, if you are truly looking for useful input and advice? There are several more productive and realistic alternatives to writing groups:

• Readers: Develop a group of trusted readers who will not tell you what you want to hear, but who will tell you the truth. Preferably people who love to read and who you don't know, or know very little. Give them specifics on what you are looking for with input and let them go at it. This will be real-world advice you can use.

• Editors: Find a great line editor and a great developmental editor. Line editors clean up your basic grammar, spelling, punctuation, and usage. they also conform your text to Chicago Manual of Style conventions (or whatever style guide you use). Developmental editors give you the story and structure feedback most writing groups are clueless about. These are people who may not be good writers, but they are great storytellers and they will help you become a better storyteller. Worth their weight in gold when you find them.

• Classes: Read everything you can on how to write and take every class you can afford. This can be a black hole of your time as well, if you are not careful, but there are some great story and writing teachers out there who can arm you with new tools and help you with learn how to survive the water board. Listen to everyone, follow no one! As I always say, you are your own guru and teacher, ultimately. Many poo poo classes, but I say try them, you might like them. How are these different than writing groups? Classes end!

I know that there are many writers who will read all of this and feel compelled to come to the defense of their writing group. Feel free to do so. I have great respect for loyalty. But, consider that for all the time you will wast driving back and forth to group meetings, kibitzing before and after meetings, listening to other peoples stories and self-absorbed criticisms you could be writing at home and getting pages done. Maybe bad pages, but so what. Your first draft is always shit anyway. Everybody's first draft sucks. Join a group if you must; just know that it will take more than it gives and, when all is said and done, leave you feeling like you need a shower.

Now, go be brilliant.

Amazon: Review My Book and I'll Promote You!

Emily Witt from the New York Observer published an interesting tidbit recently about how Amazon has taken to bartering for book reviews. Per her article:

"The Observer has now learned how Amazon is looking to revolutionize the process of getting author blurbs: provide a review for a book on an Amazon imprint and Amazon will give the reviewer — and his or her book — extra promotion as a thank you."
(Emily Witt, New York Observer, 6/28/11)

I read this and frankly found myself torn. On the one hand I admire Amazon for trashing all the conventions of traditional publishing. They are the publishing world's equivalent to Sherman's March through Atlanta (check your Civil War history, it wasn't pretty). Normally, reviews requests are sent out to "independent" and respected reviewers, people with some clout and some cache who, if they like your tome, will give a valued thumbs-up and thus help book sales. Publishers, of course, have their friends who they like to send review copies to, and these friends, in turn, give objective reviews (cough, cough). How much of the traditional review process is really objective? How much "I'll scratch yours if you scratch mine" is really going on under the covers? I'm sure Random House would object to anything tawdry going on, as would the other big six publishers (or any publisher).

But, I found myself wondering, is Amazon really doing anything unethical by asking for reviews and then promising payback if such is given? Aren't they just putting into to cold light of dawn what is going on between publishers and reviewers already? This is perhaps a very traditional move by the nontraditional Amazon! The only downside to this is that reviewers will be more likely to give positive nods if they know they will get positive promotion back by Amazon for their own books. Once again, how different is this from what already happens?

I know, there are people who actually have integrity out there and take objective stands when it comes to their reviews. I have friends who do reviews. I do them for Kirkus Reviews and Kirkus Discoveries (though some might dispute this as book reviewing). The point however, is that the dust this Amazon "offer" is generating is perhaps a bit disingenuous. Mutual back scratching is a part of self-promotion and it is no different in publishing or in used car sales.

Though I wish the publishing industry had the auto sales equivalent of the Car Fax!

What do you think?